Glee: Key of A Minor(ity)

This is an actual dialogue from last night's episode of Glee:

Mercedes: You may not be a minority, but you certainly get how it feels sometimes.

Quinn: 9 months... you've had to deal with this your whole life. People making assumptions, calling you names. I seriously can't understand why you don't feel like yelling at people all the time.

Mercedes: What's the point in getting angry?

Quinn: Because it's infuriating - I hate all the looks at school, don't even get me started on my mom.

Mercedes: You're not angry, you're hurt. You just need someplace safe where you can get through all that anger.

I don't even know where to start. I understand the show's intention - to connect the feelings of ostacism experienced by Mercedes, an African American student, and Quinn, an Aryan subarbanite blonde who has been thrust into the realm of the undesirable by getting knocked up... But I think even my attempt at neutrally describing the exchange in my last sentence demonstrates that there is something essentially wrong about the way the writers attempted to connect these two characters.

The fundamental problem is this: Mercedes was born Black and has experienced life in a certain way because of that fact; Quinn elected not to use a rubber and now gets made fun of because she made a mistake. The dialogue above infers that both women have been punished, but the characters' experiences are far from the same. The odd thing is, I can totally imagine this dialogue occurring in real life- some ignorant blond trying to connect her pain to that of someone who is treated differently because of something entirely out of their control... It's just strange (though, not out of the ordinary) to see it on my television.

Another thing that irks me is Mercedes' response with: "What's the point of getting angry?" She has a right to be angry. Quinn didn't pay attention in sex-ed, she's in a terrible situation, but it will be over in a few months... If Mercedes feels like her life has been affected negatively by her race, then she absolutely has a right to be angry, and in a lot of ways, a duty. By her saying there's no point in being angry, it's implying that there's no point in trying to change the reasons why she feels victimized in the first place.

While I understand that it's somewhat ridiculous to engage in a serious debate about the social implications of dialogue on a show on which 90% of the plot borders on the absurd, this scene really bothered me. I was already souring on the show in general, with the musical numbers of the 2nd half of the season not quite holding my attention to compensate for the 28 minutes of filler when they have the characters speak... I think I'm over it.

Daybreaking Bad

I just suffered through the Ethan Hawke led miserable viewing experience that is Daybreakers (of my own volition so I really only have myself to blame)... and I feel terrible. What could have been a really awesome exploration into human abuse and power relationships between the Haves and Have-Nots using friggin vampires, simply turned into a rip-off of Blade 2 with Dr. Grant from Jurassic Park. The premise is this - vampires have taken over society, living as we do, and for blood they have been forced to harvest humans - but uh oh, someone forgot to have the foresight to entice these humans to make baby humans, so the blood's running out. Apparently, when vampires don't have blood for a few weeks they turn into mutant-version of vampires a la Blade 2 who hate normal vampires and want to kill them (cue fight sequences). Anyway, this turns into a whole storyline with Willem Dafoe where Ethan Hawke helps a band of humans publicize a solution that will turn everyone human again, didn't much care for that part of the plot... Spoiler Alert, the cure is the sun. Yeah, that big star that keeps us warm. So stupid. There are so many plot flaws and things that don't make sense, it's not even worth it to get into them. Also, who the hell are the Speirig Brothers (apparently the directors of this "movie")??? They're certainly no Wachowskis.... or Coens... or even Afflecks. Yeah, Afflecks.

Furthermore, everyone in this film smokes. Kids, Ethan, everyone. Because they're not human they get to ignore the Surgeon General? I dunno, I guess it passes standards for depicting smoking in films because the characters are vampires, but kids love vampires. Ever heard of a little phenomenon called Twilight? Every kid in America has. Congratulations Joe Camel, you found your loophole - light up children, smoking hasn't affected my lung capacity at all so I'm sure you'll be fine.

I guess I was disappointed because it wasn't the movie I wanted to see. It sounded like such a cool idea, a society run by vampires where humans have become the 'food' supply, supply being the operative word. The idea of humans being a commodity is a reality, and it would have been cool to see vampires used as a metaphor for controling entities. Whatever, maybe I'll make that movie... one day. One day.

Top 25 (sort of) Domestic Box Office - 2009 Edition

So I missed the end of the year by almost 5 months. I also missed Award season and haven't posted anything on this site for over a year. Whatever. Here's the top 25 grossing movies of 2009... also, the above picture is Linda. We met when I google-imaged the term 'box office' and she just popped up as result 15. I think we're going to be really good friends.

1) Avatar

Shockingly, I think this might also make the list as the highest grossing film of 2010 as Cameron's re-releasing it with a whopping 6 extra minutes of footage in 3D allll across the nation's Imax screens. What. A. Douche.

2) Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

I managed to lose a bet on this one - turns out you can definitely make CGI racially offensive robot-cars. Damn you Ted Gunderson. I guess I owe you that fiver after all.

3) Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

I liked it... Whatever, those once-were-normal-11-year-olds can take 3 out of the 5 richest actor in the UK slots. I'm not bitter.

4) The Twilight Saga: New Moon

Look, here's the 5th richest actor in the UK's movie - Robert Patterface. This movie was painful, but that jailbait werewolf looked good with his shirt off, so I guess I'll watch the third one, The Twilight Saga: Elliptical. Right? Whatever, the werewolf kid's in it again correct?

5) Up

I cried. I laughed. I was a little frightened of that scary old man. Then I left feeling all heartwarmed. In that order. What a perfect movie earning a well deserved spot in the Top 5 highest grossing movies of '09.

6) The Hangover

Ok, this was pretty hilarious. Only flaw? The pictures that played during the credits were by far the funniest parts of the film. Loved it.

7) Star Trek

Stardate 6... okay, this movie was fine. Its cool graphics kind of got trumped by Avatar, but I enjoyed it. Fine.

8) The Blind Side

I can't even describe how deeply I hated this film. Sandy, I'm sorry your husband's a nazi d-bag but you didn't deserve the Oscar. In fact, no one nominated in your category did, so yay for the consolation award.

9) Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakuel

Didn't see it. I'll attribute the success of this film as due to the same demographic as that of Paul Blart: Mall Cop... also known as people I will most likely never interact with on a regular basis. Enjoy, middle America.

10) Sherlock Holmes

When did Sherlock Holmes start kicking ass and taking names? I'm not sure Sir Arthur Conan Doyle would be pleased, but Robert Downey Jr is a bankable action star after Iron Man, so I understand why this did well. Jude Law on the other hand. Yech.

11) Monsters Vs. Aliens

Didn't see it. No real desire to change that, so I'll take this time to point out that Seth Rogen was recently named the Hardest Working Man in Hollywood. He's starred in the most films since 2005, and 10 of his movies have banked over 20 million. Good work, buddy.

12) Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs

It baffles me that anyone would pay to listen to Ray Romano's squealing garbles for 9o minutes of their day. Didn't see it.

13) X-Men Origins: Wolverine

I saw this one! It was fine. I definitely watched it. Start to finish. Completed this film. Yup. It was good?

14) Night at the Museum: Battle at the Smithsonian

One of the few semi-likeable Ben Stiller characters, this was a fun movie for kids with some adult-friendly jokes peppered in. Definitely enjoyable.

15) 2012

Holy crap this isn't going to happen is it? I'm not positive but I'm pretty sure I'm not the unlikely-hero-John-Cusack in the story of real life and I wouldn't magically escape the collapse of the earth sooo... I'm a little concerned.

16) The Proposal

The dog in this movie was adorable! ... I don't remember anything else.

17) Fast and Furious

Isn't it a touch sad when the stars of the original film decide they're too good for the franchise... then Tax Season rolls around, and those pesky payments on the second house are due, and gosh darnit you just have to crawl right back and do the 4th movie?

18) GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra

We all knew this was going to be bad... but Channing Tatum just looks so darn good, we didn't care. We didn't care. Also, good call Joseph Gordon Levitt - hiding your face behind make-up and prosthetics in this one was the right choice.

19) Paul Blart: Mall Cop

Well, here we are. This was the first Blockbuster of 2009. It's a movie about an obese mall cop with diabetes riding around on a segway to protect his mall and the attractive hair-extension-kiosk chick from Glee from skateboarding / parkour / bmx-riding robbers. And people went to see it. Sometimes, I just don't understand.

20) Taken

I heard this was sorta good. I heard that.

21) A Christmas Carol

Well, on the bright side, didn't we all save $56.50 plus a convenience charge of $14.95 by seeing it in theaters instead of at Radio City Music Hall? I mean, I didn't see either.

22) Angels and Demons

Tom Hanks cannot play this role. He's a heck of an actor, and gee whiz we all love 'im, but no. No. No. No.

23) Terminator Salvation

The first of three Sam Worthington action-fliks in the last year. He's on quite a roll, isn't he? This movie was fine, I think I might have dozed off a little in the middle part, but I always liked Anton Yelchin ever since I saw him on Curb Your Enthusiasm a few years back.

24) Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs

Who saw this? Kids? I don't have any of those, and the animation style reminded me of Igor, which also looked terrible. Remember when books were just books and you read them with your eyeballs, and there were words, and pages to turn, not kindles and iPads to charge with their lithium ion batteries or whatever they use? Remember bookshelves? I digress...

25) Inglorious Basterds

Christoph Waltz, I tip my hat. Great job man, killed that first scene. Really liked this movie, well done Tarantino.

BONUS

26) G-Force

... and just missing the cut is a movie about Crime-Fighting Guinea Pigs.

hypROCKrisy

In a momentary lapse of judgment, I ordered The Rocker off my television's OnDemand and what I found was not only the most cliche comedy I have watched in recent memory, but a work of complete and utter hypocrisy. My initial complaints are that the entire movie is essentially a platform for Teddy Geiger's singing career filled with SNL players and NBC stars (Fred Armisen, Jason Sudeikis, Rainn Wilson, Will Arnett, and what's-his-face... that guy who plays Josh on 30 Rock....). The only "humor" comes from the physical comedy and infrequent points when Wilson's character mimics Dwight Shrute (and even then I was simply reminded of a much funnier moment that occurred on The Office). These transgressions, however, remain mild compared to the basic flaw of the movie.

The plot surrounds Reed "Fish" Fishman, a drummer kicked out of his band Vesuvius right before they hit it big. Fast forward 20 years, and Fish is still bitter. Luckily, his nephew's band is in need of a drummer... because THEIR drummer couldn't play their prom gig. When Fish steps in, of course the band is an immediate success via a cheapened-for-laughs That Thing You Do moment, rocket to stardom and eventually outshine Vesuvius and stick it to the evil record executive.... What the f*** Rainn?!? You just destroyed the dream of a teenage drummer in a very similar situation that you found yourself in 20 years earlier. There isn't even a throwaway line implying that the drummer couldn't play in the band anymore, or that his mom banned him from the drums forever, or ANYTHING. He disappears much like Tiger in the Brady Bunch, or Tara Reid's film career. 

Who greenlit this movie?! Geiger is a more awkward John Mayer, Fatty nephew is a less-funny Jonah HIll, and the chick from Superbad has the range of a chipmunk... and not even the dramatic chipmunk. Awful.

Addicted to Shows About Addicts.

I really like the show Intervention on A&E because it picks me up when I'm feeling low (at least I haven't screwed up my life as bad as the people on the show)... but I can't help but feel aghast at the lengths that Sober House has gone to create interesting television.

I encountered Sober House while channel surfing tonight. The show features recovering drug addicts and alcoholics living together.... and then going to a night club together. I don't know about you, but when I was deeply and thoroughly addicted to methamphetamine I NEVER went to the night club to score, so it was probably the safest place for me when I was recovering.

Funny line from the show:
"Did the cops find heroine on you?"
"Yeah. I was holding. I didn't know they were coming though. If I had known, I would have thrown it out."

If I had known the internet was going to take off like this, I would have totes invested in Google way back in the day. Kind of the same situation.

The show makes me feel genuinely bad for the pseudo-celebs featured on the show; I was so sure that Crazy Town was going places after their smash hit "Butterfly," but it turns out there isn't really much of a market for white guys semi-rapping about insects, or whatever that song was actually about. I think it was probably a lady. bug. ladybug. It was a pretty clever metaphor.

Btdubs, Steve-O isn't on the show, but he went to rehab and lived in a sober house, and this picture made me smile. This also makes me smile.

Lil Mama, Why You Be Trippin?

I've been watching the new season of America's Best Dance Crew, or ABDC (as any dyslexic kid would recite the alphabet), and I've noticed something horrible, even shocking:

Lil Mama is no longer wearing bedazzled baseball hats with holes on the top for her ponytail.

Lil Mama is the songstress who brought us a song solely about stuff that makes lips shiny (I could have written a song about the reflection off my watch that my cat used to chase around that was waaay better). Her signature look on the first two seasons was a sweet flat brimmed hat that inexplicably had a hole at the very top for her to shove her hair through and look like an idiot. For a second I thought she had figured out how silly she looked, but then I examined her current wardrobe and realized she was making entirely new fashion mistakes that I can chuckle to myself about whenever I happen to catch the show.

She's no Paula Abdul, but pill addictions can't afflict every Randy Jackson affiliated television series equally.

Get LOST With Me.

Sooo..... things took a CRAZY turn on the new season of Lost that aired this week. It's in the future, but in the past, but still in the future, they can't change anything but Daniel Faraday does, and he was on the island with the original Dharma peeps, and Sawyer looked weird with his shirt off, and Locke is dead but obviously won't be dead for long, and I'm still pissed that Jin didn't get a proper death so I'm hoping he pops up looking like Two Face at some point, and now we have some Dharma people randomly shooting the Flight 815/Juliet crew with flaming arrows- not the proper way to welcome new neighbors (which, by the way, is a muffin basket).

What a clusterf***.

I'm not sure if I like the new twists, but I'm just happy everyone's gonna eventually be back on the island together again... although it will probably take the entire season.

Also, Clare's not dead right? Sooo, when Daniel asked if it was their whole crew with them, why did Sawyer only mention Locke and not Clare? It's probably some detail that I don't remember from the last season, but I was confused.

While the episode was tons o' fun, and it was nice to see some dead characters again (where's Charlie? I miss Charlie), I really enjoyed Ben's new haircut, very snazzy.