hypROCKrisy

In a momentary lapse of judgment, I ordered The Rocker off my television's OnDemand and what I found was not only the most cliche comedy I have watched in recent memory, but a work of complete and utter hypocrisy. My initial complaints are that the entire movie is essentially a platform for Teddy Geiger's singing career filled with SNL players and NBC stars (Fred Armisen, Jason Sudeikis, Rainn Wilson, Will Arnett, and what's-his-face... that guy who plays Josh on 30 Rock....). The only "humor" comes from the physical comedy and infrequent points when Wilson's character mimics Dwight Shrute (and even then I was simply reminded of a much funnier moment that occurred on The Office). These transgressions, however, remain mild compared to the basic flaw of the movie.

The plot surrounds Reed "Fish" Fishman, a drummer kicked out of his band Vesuvius right before they hit it big. Fast forward 20 years, and Fish is still bitter. Luckily, his nephew's band is in need of a drummer... because THEIR drummer couldn't play their prom gig. When Fish steps in, of course the band is an immediate success via a cheapened-for-laughs That Thing You Do moment, rocket to stardom and eventually outshine Vesuvius and stick it to the evil record executive.... What the f*** Rainn?!? You just destroyed the dream of a teenage drummer in a very similar situation that you found yourself in 20 years earlier. There isn't even a throwaway line implying that the drummer couldn't play in the band anymore, or that his mom banned him from the drums forever, or ANYTHING. He disappears much like Tiger in the Brady Bunch, or Tara Reid's film career. 

Who greenlit this movie?! Geiger is a more awkward John Mayer, Fatty nephew is a less-funny Jonah HIll, and the chick from Superbad has the range of a chipmunk... and not even the dramatic chipmunk. Awful.

Addicted to Shows About Addicts.

I really like the show Intervention on A&E because it picks me up when I'm feeling low (at least I haven't screwed up my life as bad as the people on the show)... but I can't help but feel aghast at the lengths that Sober House has gone to create interesting television.

I encountered Sober House while channel surfing tonight. The show features recovering drug addicts and alcoholics living together.... and then going to a night club together. I don't know about you, but when I was deeply and thoroughly addicted to methamphetamine I NEVER went to the night club to score, so it was probably the safest place for me when I was recovering.

Funny line from the show:
"Did the cops find heroine on you?"
"Yeah. I was holding. I didn't know they were coming though. If I had known, I would have thrown it out."

If I had known the internet was going to take off like this, I would have totes invested in Google way back in the day. Kind of the same situation.

The show makes me feel genuinely bad for the pseudo-celebs featured on the show; I was so sure that Crazy Town was going places after their smash hit "Butterfly," but it turns out there isn't really much of a market for white guys semi-rapping about insects, or whatever that song was actually about. I think it was probably a lady. bug. ladybug. It was a pretty clever metaphor.

Btdubs, Steve-O isn't on the show, but he went to rehab and lived in a sober house, and this picture made me smile. This also makes me smile.

Lil Mama, Why You Be Trippin?

I've been watching the new season of America's Best Dance Crew, or ABDC (as any dyslexic kid would recite the alphabet), and I've noticed something horrible, even shocking:

Lil Mama is no longer wearing bedazzled baseball hats with holes on the top for her ponytail.

Lil Mama is the songstress who brought us a song solely about stuff that makes lips shiny (I could have written a song about the reflection off my watch that my cat used to chase around that was waaay better). Her signature look on the first two seasons was a sweet flat brimmed hat that inexplicably had a hole at the very top for her to shove her hair through and look like an idiot. For a second I thought she had figured out how silly she looked, but then I examined her current wardrobe and realized she was making entirely new fashion mistakes that I can chuckle to myself about whenever I happen to catch the show.

She's no Paula Abdul, but pill addictions can't afflict every Randy Jackson affiliated television series equally.

Get LOST With Me.

Sooo..... things took a CRAZY turn on the new season of Lost that aired this week. It's in the future, but in the past, but still in the future, they can't change anything but Daniel Faraday does, and he was on the island with the original Dharma peeps, and Sawyer looked weird with his shirt off, and Locke is dead but obviously won't be dead for long, and I'm still pissed that Jin didn't get a proper death so I'm hoping he pops up looking like Two Face at some point, and now we have some Dharma people randomly shooting the Flight 815/Juliet crew with flaming arrows- not the proper way to welcome new neighbors (which, by the way, is a muffin basket).

What a clusterf***.

I'm not sure if I like the new twists, but I'm just happy everyone's gonna eventually be back on the island together again... although it will probably take the entire season.

Also, Clare's not dead right? Sooo, when Daniel asked if it was their whole crew with them, why did Sawyer only mention Locke and not Clare? It's probably some detail that I don't remember from the last season, but I was confused.

While the episode was tons o' fun, and it was nice to see some dead characters again (where's Charlie? I miss Charlie), I really enjoyed Ben's new haircut, very snazzy.

I don't want to date you, but I'll go on a TV show where that's the premise

On my way home from work today, I spotted Alex whatever-his-last-name-is, the bachelor from the first season of, well, The Bachelor (the guy in the picture), and it got me thinking about something that’s been bugging me for a while. I had wanted to write something about the degeneration of reality television, and though I’ve touched on it before, I never really got to the meat of the issue. While The Bachelor was never a fantastic hour of television, and its original concept relied on a sexist premise, it still featured real people on the show to find love (along with the 15-minutes-of-famers). Over the years participants who opt to be on reality shows for anything but some form of fame have since become few and far between, and this shift can best be summed up by what I call the “Love” shows on VH1 and MTV.

The “Love” series, if you don’t know what I’m referring to include the following reality programs: Flavor of Love, Rock of Love, I Love New York, I Love Money, both seasons of Charm School (yes no “love” in the title, but it’s the same cast), Real Chance at Love, A Shot at Love, A Double Shot at Love, and That’s Amore: love, Italian style. Drew Barrymore (yet another reason why I don’t like her) is even Executive Producing a relationship boot camp show called Tough Love currently in production for VH1. In these shows participants compete for “catches” like Flavor Flav, Bret Michaels, Tila Tequila (the internet non-celeb), and Tiffany ‘New York’ Pollard (famous for being spit on by ‘Pumpkin’ in the first season of Flavor of Love). What almost shocks me the most is that I’ve heard that cast members have to be STD-free, though I’m pretty sure that anyone who has hooked up with Bret Michaels no longer fits into that category.

The shows demonstrate how far ‘reality’ television has devolved, a seemingly recurrent theme in my musings on this site. All of the programs are scripted to some degree, the challenges are outlandish and frankly, embarrassing for the contestants, and I doubt anyone on the shows is genuinely interested in the stars of the show. Even The Bachelor has changed over the seasons: the women have become younger and Valley Girl speak more common. While the ABC program doesn’t compare to the baseness of the VH1 and MTV counterparts, they both have come to include similar casting choices, and stunts to spike ratings. I understand that from a network perspective, these shows will continue as long as people keep watching them, and while I’ll admit I’ve seen an episode or more of these programs, I certainly can’t tune in for an entire season. The shows might be cheap to produce and easy to stage, but their content is dumbing down television and encouraging negative American stereotypes. I think I’ll stick to scripted fare.

Cribs Are For Babies. My 8 Year Old Need a King Mattress.

While I used to watch Saturday morning cartoons, today I decided to start my day with a little Cribs action on MTV. This week's episodes (yes, plural) featured teenagers with sweeter homes than I can ever hope to own. During this recession it's really great to see parents who have spent money to put movie theaters, tree houses, slides, and elevators in their homes along with other unnecessary, but still really friggin cool, items. Let me just get this out of the way before I continue: of COURSE I'm jealous that I don't have a secret passageway to equally secret rooms that hide pinball machines and 60" flat screen televisions. However, the theme of the episodes, at least the ones featuring 'real' children (rather than celebrities) seemed to be: how to keep your child from ever leaving the house.

I read an article a few months ago in the New York Times about how parents are creating havens for their children at home. Play rooms, video game areas, special toys, ice cream bars, pools, tree houses, go carts, everything to keep their children on the property. According to the article, and messages celebrated in the episode I watched, if your kid's at home, you always know what they're doing. Kids just running around the neighborhood building tree forts has been replaced by structured play time enabled by parental shopping sprees, and pre-fabricated tree houses all ready to safely be played in without any initial effort from the kids. Pick up baseball or basketball games at the local fields are no longer needed because Tommy has a full basketball court in his backyard. While some of this oppulence will probably be tempered by the economy, the fundamental nature of children's play time seems shaped by a new cultural rubric.

I'm not condoning simply letting your child loose on society without a care in the world, but the lengths to which these parents are spending money to cater their home almost solely to the needs of their children seems excessive; and in my opinion, accustoms them to getting everything they want in life, which at least right now, is not a reasonable expectation for anyone to have.

Top Chef? No, Top Simile

Is it just me or is the new Top Chef judge, Toby Young simply rife with poor metaphors and similes? I just felt the need to express how deeply I miss Gail. PLEASE COME BACK, GAIL. I don't care if you miss the end of your honeymoon, I can't stand this British buffoon. Give me Simon Cowell or give me death, which is a phrase I never thought I'd say. I still love the show, don't get me wrong, but I find myself laughing (along with cast members and judge Tom Colicchio) AT this guy, rather than with him. His first week he madea crack about how classically trained British actors equate to good vegetables, and this week told us that meat makes him want to have sex. I don't need him to remind me that British people are awesome, and I certainly don't want to know about his habits in the bedroom (or it looks like in his case, the kitchen).

P.S. If you haven't already seen, my post about Judd Apatow is up on the Paley Center site here.

Bush wants his last 15 minutes of fame.

When I read this article, I found it almost laughable that the President of the United States has trouble securing network airtime, but then I saw that his address would rupture my viewing of The Office. I don't really need to hear that Bush's greatest success as President was his EFFORT to privatize Social Security again, so… please don't ruin The Office for me, and Grey's Anatomy for the people that haven't yet realized that Grey's is a glorified bad soap opera (excuse me, serial). It's not fair!

Note: Doesn't he look super cute with his little American flag? Toss in one of those multi-colored beanies with the propeller on top and this would be my screensaver!

OMG: NPH on SNL, and HIMYM, and D.H., M.D.

My friend Diane saw Neil Patrick Harris walking the streets of New York last week, and it made MY day. I don't quite know why, but NPH has re-stolen America's hearts of late, and I thought I would try to deconstruct his triumphant climb back to the top from the collection of 90s child-stars long forgotten.

It began, for me at least, with a little movie entitled Starship Troopers, the film famous for (at least at the time) using the most ammunition of any movie… ever. I was so happy to see Doogie Howser back on screen, especially in a movie I find perfect in so many ways. The public's love affair with Neil Patrick Harris, however, was rekindled with his cameo in Harold and Kumar go to White Castle. I think the part really resonated with everyone watching because in the film, NPH became what the entire country already assumed he had become based on the 'brat pack' mentality of two parts drugs and alcohol addiction, one part penchant for strippers. Some people might have known he starred in "Cabaret" on Broadway, or seen him in single episodes of shows on television, but for the most part Harold and Kumar was his popular culture return. Neil Patrick Harris then became a bit of a phenomenon, maybe not at the level of Chuck Norris references (my favorite being: Chuck Norris once ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one), but there was certainly buzz about him in a way I don't think anyone expected post-Doogie years.

What could have been a simple blip on the radar of pop culture however became something much more when Harris was cast as Barney Stinson on How I Met Your Mother, one of the strongest comedies on television today. The show has earned him, count 'em, TWO Teen Choice Awards nominations (as well as two Emmy nominations, and a Golden Globe nomination), and he is certainly the "it" factor that keeps HIMYM at the top of its game.

Harris also seems to have a weird and innovative way of staying relevant in pop culture beyond what most actors would pursue. His choice to do Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog, the musical penned by Joss Whedon of Buffy the Vampire Slayer fame, speaks of his ability to sense a winner. The three-part series (though recently Whedon announced that Dr. Horrible will return) was named the fourth best television series of 2008 by Time magazine, even though the musical was created for the internet, and never actually aired on television. Whedon had cut his musical chops when he composed "Once More with Feeling," the famous Buffy musical episode, but he really hit a homerun with Dr. Horrible with NPH starring as the wannabe-villain.

With Harris' recent stint on Saturday Night Live, it's clear that he's become more than just a cameo in a two hour advertisement for steamed mini burgers. I certainly enjoyed the Digital Short this past weekend featuring the orchestration of the Doogie Howser, M.D. theme song, but I'm pretty sure NPH will be making entirely new memorable roles for years to come.

An Ode to Kate Winslet

I tend to end up disliking most actors / actresses after they've been in a certain number of films, because let's face it, most of them have a shelf life - not Kate Winslet. She's Awesome. She was just as awesome before she won both Golden Globes, and she'll be equally awesome in 10 years. Trust me. She also really deserved those two awards the other night because she's been snubbed sooo hard in the past. She was nominated for 5 Oscars and 5 Golden Globes (as well as a ton of other awards she didn't win) for some kick-ass performances.

The one I'm most bugged about her not winning was the Emmy for her guest appearance on Extras. Hilariously enough, as Ricky Gervais pointed out at the Golden Globes (and a reference to a line of Winslet's from Extras), if you do a movie about the Holocaust, the awards will follow. Clever girl, Kate Winslet, clever girl.

I Recommend This:

I'm gonna start recommending more things... I recommended Boxee a couple weeks ago, now I'm gonna start recommending some other stuff.

This time, it's ClarkandMichael, the brainchild of Clark Duke and Michael Cera. It's a web-series about the two friends trying to sell a script in Hollywood. It's written/improv and hilarious. There are only 10 Episodes, but they're all great. Check it out.

Top 250 Grossing Films of the Year

Unlike the Top 25, I'm NOT going to comment on every single one, but I just thought the list was pretty interesting. I noticed a lot of the critically acclaimed movies, the ones up for awards this season didn't get so much cash. That's to be expected - no one watches Mad Men, and no one is paying $12 (that's the going rate for movies in NYC) for art house movies. Part of it is obviously the number of theaters these movies are released in, and I'm glad that people had the good sense to (for the most part) skip How to Lose Friends and Alienate People and Sex Drive. The first because ever since I started reading WWTD, I can't stand Kirsten Dunst and her silly snaggle-tooth, and the second because it was destined to be a bad movie - despite the presence of Clark Duke.

Either way, this was a long-winded way of giving you a link from Variety. word.

All My Posts Are About Remakes. Read This One.

I was just watching The Golden Globes - I still have no idea why I'm wasting my time watching this when I can just look up the results later, but I am - and Drew Barrymore / Jessica Lange presented an award as a mini-ad for their upcoming film, Grey Gardens. Now, first off I hope they were in character for their presentation because they both looked like sh**, especially Drew's hair... I digress. More importantly, when I heard "grey gardens" I remembered the documentary of the same title and thought: "no, no they wouldn't butcher the awesomeness of that movie and try to re-make it with Drew Barrymore of 50 First Dates and Fever Pitch." ..... But they did.

If you don't know what Grey Gardens (1975) is, you have to find out. I will tell you.

It is essentially a camera crew following around the aunt and first cousin of Jackie O (Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis). This phenomenal mother-daughter duo (both named Edie) live in a decaying Hamptons mansion, in the same room of a huge estate they share with raccoons, cats, and whatever other wild creatures seem to wander in. They have both been completely isolated from the world and become entirely delusional. During the filming, the daughter falls in love with one of the filmmakers and it's just delightfully hilarious and disturbing how far down the rabbit hole these ladies have crawled. The whole movie you're asking yourself: "wait, seriously? This is a documentary?!" But it is. And it is really worth watching.

Drew Barrymore, I don't particularly like you. Except for E.T. ..... and Never Been Kissed, but I don't normally tell people that second one.

The Last House on the Left.... again.

Since I mentioned The Last House on the Left in my last post, and I found out they're releasing a remake with the chick from Aquamarine, Lizzie from Superbad and Joaquin Phoenix's sister's kid in Gladiator (I dunno why I chose those roles to mention), I thought I'd write about how not happy I am about it. The remake looks eh, but more importantly it's lost the message of the original. The trailer essentially gives away the entire movie, so I'm not likely to see it - but if I did decide to watch it, I'm pretty sure I'd see a crappy movie.

Movies You Probably Didn't See That I Think You Should, 2008 Edition.

As promised, here are some of the less financially successful movies of 2008 that I think you should check out. Some of them will be earning awards this season, some won’t, but I liked them all.

In Bruges elicits one of my favorite Brendan Gleeson performances ever, and a really fun Colin Farrell performance as well. It’s a funny, Murphy’s Law non-action action movie penned quite well from Martin McDonagh and it deserves more attention from a wider audience. Think a subtler Guy Ritchie film.

Funny Games is a shot-by-shot re-make of a 1997 Austrian film of the same title, with the same writer / director Michael Haneke. This movie evokes the type of horror found in The Last House on the Left. It is one of the creepiest, most well-done horror movies I have ever seen and the performances from Michael Pitt and Brady Corbet as the polite serial killers are phenomenal. See it.

Superhero Movie is a pretty low-brow release but I only mention it, because unlike Epic Movie, Meet the Spartans, or Disaster Movie, this film was not the brainchild of Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer, and it’s slightly better.

The Visitor is a really heart-wrenching film that takes a unique approach to issues of immigration. It’s one of my shorter reviews, but this is in my Top 5 of 2008.

Anamorph wasn’t one of my favorite movies of 2008, but it was a really interesting release. You gotta love Willem Dafoe playing a detective, at least if you’ve seen The Boondock Saints (p.s. WHY are they making a sequel). The concept of anamorphism is really cool and you’ll find yourself wanting to press pause to reexamine many of the shots.

Son of Rambow is a really great action / kids comedy for adults about two boys who decide to make their own film as if one of them is the son of Rambo (I think they added the “w” for copyright purposes). It’s got such a great spirit that I found myself smiling the whole way through (except for the serious parts).

The Fall comes from director Tarsem Singth of The Cell fame. It’s more of the same super interesting images juxtaposed on a mediocre plot. I just loved the visuals and it was worth the iffy story to check it out.

The Wackness is the first real adult role for Josh Peck, and he shines. The film also features a strong performance by Oliva Thirlby of best-friend-to-Juno fame. It’s the summer of 1994 and Josh Peck is dealing with growing up, women, and therapy… it’s better than it sounds and has a killer hip-hop soundtrack.
American Teen doesn’t feel like a documentary because many of the shots are too perfectly planned – but it is the real stories of teenagers in high school while still having a She’s All That quality to the thing. It was likable.

Religulous: Already recommended it. See my earlier post.

Repo! The Genetic Opera has a 30% on rottentomatoes so this movie is clearly not for everyone. I liked it despite its flaws, and if you’re into Rocky Horror you’ll either think this dark musical is fantastic, or a failure.

Milk is a beautifully directed, beautifully acted biopic about Harvey Milk, the first openly gay politician, and his untimely end. There were great performances from James Franco and Sean Penn, a really brilliant film.

The Wrestler was a really good effort by Darren Aronofsky and featured a really memorable performance from Mickey Rourke. The guy is a bad-ass who’s still got it, (have you seen Spun or Sin City? come on!) and The Wrestler is a great reflection of his abilities as an actor. I wouldn’t give him too much credit though, because I’m pretty sure the role wasn’t too much of a stretch emotionally. Only one real complaint: the final shot of the movie. Dumb. Overall… definitely worth seeing.

Some movies I have yet to see that are at the top of my list: Waltz with Bashir, Wendy and Lucy, Good, City of Men, Man on Wire, The Class.

There were a lot of other more commercial movies that I'm pretty sure you don't need me to recommend (Pineapple Express, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, Blindness, Burn After Reading, and a personal favorite cute-teen movie: Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist)

2008: It's Called a Recession, so what were we thinking?

The top 25 grossing films of 2008 were released in list form on IMDB today, and in case you don't care to click on the link, here's the list... and my reactions.

25. You Don't Mess With the Zohan: Didn't see it. Heard it was not funny. I'm not surprised. Adam Sandler was a comedian of the 90s the way Kevin Smith was a director of the 90s. 'Nuff Said.

24. Stepbrothers: had 3 moments where I chuckled, I'm so glad I watched this online.

23. Eagle Eye: I love Michelle Monaghan because she was awesome in Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, but you add Shia LaBeouf to any movie and I picture him back in the Even Stevens days on the Disney Channel and cry to myself because we're the same age and he has way more money than I do. Why did you go see this movie? You knew it was bad but you went anyway.

22. Journey to the Center of the Earth: I actually loved this movie. It was stupid, unbelievable and yet predictable at the same time, but if you just go along for the ride it was really entertaining because it didn't take itself seriously. Plus I'll pretty much watch anything with Josh Hutcherson (no, I'm not being a pedophile), I just loved Little Manhattan and he's still got some afterglow from that movie working in his favor. Also RV was surprisingly funny.

21. The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor: I'll forgive Brendan Fraser for Journey to the Center of the Earth because I personally liked it, but come on! Rachel Weisz got out of the franchise, and Snoop Dogg was in the sequel. There's nowhere to go but down and you know it.

20. Bolt: I personally thought it was boring, and the only redeemable character was Rhino the Hamster. I understand why it's in the Top 25, and it should be, but it's no The Incredibles.

19. Tropic Thunder: This movie deserves to be in the Top 10, if not in the Top 5. Ben Stiller is a great director, (but I think he was by far the weakest actor in the movie). The movie was the perfect blend of great action, situation comedy, and overall a fantastic dissection of the nature of Hollywood as an industry.

18. Four Christmases: I didn't see it, but I didn't need to to know that it would be terrible. Reese Witherspoon is a decent comedic actress, and the schtick that Vince Vaughn pulls in every single one of his movies always works at least to some degree, but couldn't you tell that the plot would be four vignettes with equally outlandish family members full of gross out humor? Or did you actually want to see that?

17. Juno: I think we gave Diablo Cody the Oscar (last year, which is why it's weird that Juno grossed so much in 2008) because she was all indie and made little Ellen Page say the darndest things. I thought this movie was a "smart" comedy for dumb people. More importantly, it was pretty atrocious the way it treated teen pregnancy.

16. Get Smart: When I finished watching this movie, the only thing I could think was that the projector had skipped lines of dialogue throughout the film. It was poorly edited- the jokes seemed edited for TV and I always thought Maxwell Smart was supposed to be an idiot. Steve Carell's version seemed ultimately quite capable. Didn't like it.

15. Wanted: Badass action, stupid plot. Reminds me of the Angelina Jolie from Gone in 60 Seconds: flat. Also, she would never have sex with James McAvoy, and I thought his casting was an awkward choice.

14. The Incredible Hulk: Didn't see it. Saw enough with The Hulk and while I heard this one was significantly better, I never thought the Hulk was a particularly good hero to put on screen, especially using CGI.

13. The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian: I fell asleep during this movie. From what I did see (about 3/4ish) it was definitely better than the first one, but there's a reason Disney dropped the franchise.

12. Mamma Mia!: My God. Make it stop. I saw this movie in a 99 cent theater, and it wasn't even worth that. It's a musical filled with actors who can't dance or sing! Meryl Streep, Pierce Brosnan, Colin Firth, and Stellan Skarsgard can't sing or dance. This movie was so awkward to watch that I couldn't even laugh at it. It was THAT bad. The one standout performance by Amanda Seyfried was nice, but even that was ruined by me picturing her as Karen in Mean Girls telling me her boobs could predict if it was raining.

11. Sex and the City: I loved the series, though surpisingly I was never fond of any of the characters. I never understood that. Anyway... this movie was dreadful. I understand why it made the Top 25 and it deserves to make this list, but what a poorly edited, painful-to-watch story. Better than Mamma Mia! but still boring, predictable, and stupid.

10. Horton Hears a Who: Didn't see it. I'm surprised such a short story could fill up a full-length movie, but The Curious Case of Benjamin Button went from a short story to a 3-hour epic... I guess anything's possible.

9. Quantum of Solace: Marc Forster is one of my favorite directors, but this is a mediocre movie. I'm also not a big fan of Paul Haggis, (mostly because Crash is a self-important movie about race that says nothing revelationary or meaningful about race), but the story itself is pretty eh. I'm not a fan.

8. Twilight: Gosh Edward Cullen is just the dreamiest! Whatever. I saw it, it was a teenage vampire Harlequinn Romance movie. Might as well just put Fabio in the thing. If you want to see a cool vampire flick, watch Let The Right One In.

7. Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa: Didn't see it. I heard it was actually pretty funny. I liked the first one well enough. David Schimmer plays a hypocondriac giraffe to perfection.

6. Kung Fu Panda: Didn't see it. Thought it would be awful. It got good reviews. I guess I was wrong.

5. Wall-E: It was really cute. Shoe-in to win the Oscar for Best Animated Film.

4. Hancock: I really liked this movie. For the first 5 minutes all I could think was: why does the black superhero have to be the alcoholic, but once I got over that it was pretty great. I thought the Charlize Theron / Will Smith relationship was really weird and I would have been satisfied watching more of a character driven story about Hancock's identity issues and foregone the big finale, but whatever, I liked it a lot.

3. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull: I would like to defer to a review of this film in the form of the episode of South Park entitled "The China Problem."

2. Iron Man: Hilarious. Robert Downey Jr. delivers. He's really good. Except in the movie Johnny Be Good. There he was bad.

1. The Dark Knight: We all know this was a fantastic movie.



So.... those are my opinions about the Top 25 at the Box Office last year. I know this isn't a reflection of the best films of 2008, but it's kind of disappointing that it doesn't reflect a higher calibur of filmmaking. My next post, FYI will be a list of some films from 2008 that didn't make this particular list that are well worth checking out.

Book to Movie

I really want to see Tim Burton take a stab at Franz Kafka's short stories. "In the Penal Colony" is my personal favorite, but there are so many great little tales that I could see Burton transforming into something really special. If he used the dark visual images of Sweeney Todd with some of the animation from The Corpse Bride (for the cockroach in "The Metamorphosis"), it would look awesome. I'm pretty positive there's a recurring role in there for Johnny Depp, so come on Tim, do it for me.

Book to Movie

"Death Be Not Proud" by John Gunther was one of those books I read as a teenager that really got to me. It's "Brian's Song" sans football meets The Diving Bell and the Butterfly (a splendid movie and book) from a parent's perspective. I'd love to see it done.

I was wrong.

So... I watched the full first episode of The Real World: Brooklyn last night, and I'm disappointed. While the cast may not get drunk and hump each other every episode, it is still the same collection of self-important attention whores it has been for the past 12ish seasons. The cast does seem smarter... sort of, but I spent most of the neverending hour wishing the story would stop.

Katelyn was really intelligent at the panel I attended. However, she was also a talkative know-it-all, and it shows on screen.

Scott seems like the most boring person in the world (with great abs).

Also, Baya and Devyn haven't really had much screen time. I'm bored.

J.D. takes himself waaay too seriously, and it's 100% clear that his ruptured home life has made personal belongings and appearance his own form of structure.

Chet is gay. Chet is mormon. So Chet can't be gay. But he is.

Sarah is, I guess intriguing. Still, I don't really care.

Ryan is hilarious and outspoken, but unfortunately the things that come out of his mouth when it comes to real issues reflect a larger issue that needs to be addressed in this country: the education system.

This is one of my more serious posts about a show that, up to this point, does not merit serious discussion except to point out the shortcomings of the cast's intelligence. I stand by my feeling that this season will be different, and that it will change the way that The Real World is perceived by audiences. But I guess it doesn't make me feel better about the general intelligence of the chosen eight...

Tonight We're Gonna Party Like It's 1999

Kevin Smith has no place in entertainment after 1999.

1999 was the year that Dogma came out. Dogma was a really smart, funny movie. After Dogma, Kevin Smith directed Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back and Clerks II: sad, immature, repetitive musings longing for Star Wars in a galaxy where Star Wars is so passé. What I mean to say is that Star Wars was awesome in 1999 because that was when everyone was anticipating the release of Episode I and the whole franchise wasn’t ruined by George Lucas and terrible CGI effects.

Back to Kevin Smith. He sucks. Other than the two mentioned above, he had a hand in Zack and Miri Make A Porno (awful), Jersey Girl (awful, except for the "Sweeney Todd" scene, which was hilarious), a couple of TV shows, and the Untitled Prince Documentary I haven’t seen. And will never see. The only real remnants of his legacy of the 90s are reincarnations of his previous characters filled with fart and f*** jokes that take the simple approach to humor. By simple, I mean the Forrest Gump level of understanding needed to get them.

Also, Dante and Randall are basic carbon copies of the Jay and Silent Bob relationship: one skinny blond obnoxious dude and one rational less-attractive guy. Dante (and obviously Silent Bob) is essentially, dun dun dun, Kevin Smith, and in Clerks II Kevin Smith (I mean Dante) gets to bang a hot blond chick and Rosario Dawson. Childhood fantasy much?

Kevin Smith was awesome. 10 years ago. Harvey Dent said in The Dark Knight: “you either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become the villain.” I’m not implying I want Kevin Smith to die, I just wish he stopped making movies. Please.

YAY! TV That Sets Us Back a Century!!!

The concept is simple: take 32 women and have them compete for three men they’ve never met… and their mothers. The show Momma's Boys has gotten a lot of flack because one of the mothers, Khalood Bojanowski, or Mrs. B as they refer to her (mostly because I think her last name is too hard to pronounce for half of the contestants) is completely racist and devoid of anything remotely PC. I honestly have less of a problem with her persona, and more of an issue with the formula of the show.

These men, once again are placed on a pedestal for no apparent reason; all of the men are in their mid twenties and still live at home, none of their careers seem especially grandiose, and even their looks are nothing to write home about. If we’re going to be superficial about it: JoJo is a pushover with no personality and a lisp, Rob is goofy-looking in general, and Michael is a firefighter (high probability of burns and probably not particularly smart if his job is to run towards the flames). I’m shocked that women with advanced degrees, women who have entered the workforce as educated members of society are resorting to this kind of series to break into television, or (and I truly hope this is none of their goals) to meet a man. I watched them each run to grab a cell phone and wait for a text message to decide their fate in the show. It's the Post-It break up of Prime Time TV, Berger lives! This also personally annoys me because they all have blackberrys and their text message ring is the same as mine... and for 5 minutes of the show I think I'm popular... But I'm not. Some of the ladies clearly have IQs comparable to Britney Spears’ but I’m shocked that the rest of them are resorting to something so offensive to their sexual identity. What are they competing for besides screen time? What is the prize? I’m baffled.

Now add Khalood Bojanowski, a mother of Iraqi descent who refuses to let her son date anything but a pure Catholic white girl. She goes so far as to make a laundry list of all the qualities she shuns (no Blacks, Jews, or Fat Butt girls need apply). After seeing this footage many of the minority women were visibly upset, but not a single one decided to leave after learning of this particular casting choice. While the audience is only given certain footage, it seems as if some of the ladies were even more excited about the prospect of nailing the racist lady’s son just to spite her ways. Ridiculous.

Ultimately the show just goes to prove that these guys tend to go for blond, big boobed, fake women. Porn fantasies. And women go for men... any men, apparently. Also, why are there friggin challenges in this show? I see no purpose for the challenges. Ryan Seacrest, I hate you and your fake tan.

Here are some important questions:

Why the heck would the son-to the-devil-lady, Damien (I mean JoJo) allow his racist mother to appear on television, knowing full well that she would disgrace his family?

Does Mrs. B’s racism make us feel better about how kumbayah we are about race these days because we’re no longer outward bigots like her?

Why would this show NEVER work with Daddy’s Girls, or simply men competing for women they’ve never met? There’s a reason the Bachelorette has always been a woman from a previous season.

Check it out.

For those of you who haven't heard of the movie Religulous, Bill Maher's documentary about the fallacies and pitfalls of religion, and their destructive tangible effects... now you have. And you should really watch it. So here's a link:

http://www.watch-movies.net/movies/religulous/

While as a film, it has some serious problems with editing to always make Bill Maher look funny or like he's stumped whoever he's interviewing, overall the documentary is really informative. If you're like me, then you're already a non-believer and I suppose, a bit bias when it comes to the film's content, but I still learned a lot of facts to put in my arsenal of comebacks as to why religion is ridiculous.... or perhaps, why it is religulous.

Book to Movie

Someone should really get their act together and make "Harry Potter" into a movie. I'm pretty sure it'd be a gold mine. But then some jackass at the studios might realize that releasing the 6th movie as a summer blockbuster instead of a Thanksgiving release could possibly give them 10 million extra the opening weekend so they can take on Spiderman. Actually, forget it. I'd much rather just read the books.

I do have a deep desire to see "The Fountainhead" remake. I think it would be a real challenge to do the book justice, and since it gets passed my 30-years-since-it-was-originally-made rule, let's do it. I thought this particular image was pretty hilarious because Lost and the quality of it as art couldn't, in my opinion, be any farther from Ayn Rand. In a show where "live together, die alone" is the most intelligent thing anyone's said, I'm positive that "The Fountainhead" is a little above Sawyer's reading level. Speaking of Lost, I'm definitely going to be writing on that show soon... wait for it.

Just an Observation

I'm a big fan of responsible parenting. I was watching Mary Poppins the other day, and I realized, watching it from an adult perspective, the mother and father essentially let their children hang out with a lady who clearly gave them LSD. And what's more concerning, is that LSD wasn't even invented yet, and since the film was set in the 1910s, Mary Poppins must have invented LSD. So, I put that on the Wikipedia article. Still waiting for it show up.

Book to Movie

Whattup 2009? Today's book that should be made into a movie is "Brave New World." Dystopian societies look sweet on camera. Guy Pearce for the lead? Word. I agree.