Thursday, January 8, 2009

Tonight We're Gonna Party Like It's 1999

Kevin Smith has no place in entertainment after 1999.

1999 was the year that Dogma came out. Dogma was a really smart, funny movie. After Dogma, Kevin Smith directed Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back and Clerks II: sad, immature, repetitive musings longing for Star Wars in a galaxy where Star Wars is so passé. What I mean to say is that Star Wars was awesome in 1999 because that was when everyone was anticipating the release of Episode I and the whole franchise wasn’t ruined by George Lucas and terrible CGI effects.

Back to Kevin Smith. He sucks. Other than the two mentioned above, he had a hand in Zack and Miri Make A Porno (awful), Jersey Girl (awful, except for the "Sweeney Todd" scene, which was hilarious), a couple of TV shows, and the Untitled Prince Documentary I haven’t seen. And will never see. The only real remnants of his legacy of the 90s are reincarnations of his previous characters filled with fart and f*** jokes that take the simple approach to humor. By simple, I mean the Forrest Gump level of understanding needed to get them.

Also, Dante and Randall are basic carbon copies of the Jay and Silent Bob relationship: one skinny blond obnoxious dude and one rational less-attractive guy. Dante (and obviously Silent Bob) is essentially, dun dun dun, Kevin Smith, and in Clerks II Kevin Smith (I mean Dante) gets to bang a hot blond chick and Rosario Dawson. Childhood fantasy much?

Kevin Smith was awesome. 10 years ago. Harvey Dent said in The Dark Knight: “you either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become the villain.” I’m not implying I want Kevin Smith to die, I just wish he stopped making movies. Please.

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